Hi friends!! I did like a really goofy piece of Godzilla artwork after watching this movie, so read all the way to the end of the review to check out my piece! It’s totally sickkk and you can even check it out on my Pinterest and other socials. ANYWAYS TO THE REVIEW!!
I’m not much of a monsterverse nerd, but watching a movie with friends makes anything worth it. And that’s exactly what I did when going into Godzilla x Kong. I was walking into my local Planet Fitness, and suddenly remembered seeing on my friend’s group chat that they were meeting at the movie theater literally down the plaza to see Godzilla, and so I ditched my work out (very tough sacrifice btw), and pulled up without warning ready to see some monster action.
As mentioned, not much of a monsterverse nerd, but I did see the last movie, Godzilla VS Kong, so I’m basing all my opinions based off what i learned and enjoyed in the previous movie. Sorry to all my monsterverse friends who know everything about the monster lore, but if it makes you happy, I genuinely enjoyed the film, and am here to review it authentically.
Now, this is the ULTIMATE casual viewer review. The film began with Kong I believe living in his habitat, where we left him last time in the previous movie, and then we meet up with Mrs. Andrews again with her special child, and learns how she’s having spikes of trauma which we later learn is connected to a distress call from her tribe down in the hollow earth. Eventually we get to see Kong run away from some enemies, and then Godzilla cooks a monster well-done in Rome, where he then takes a slumber in the colosseum. Then we get Kong on the surface of earth where we have a beach-chill hippie with a sick tropical shirt fly a helicopter over Kong’s mouth and rip out his tooth.
Honestly, I have bad memory, but then we meet up with podcaster and professional discord moderator, Bernie, where Dr. Andrews ask him about details about Godzilla, but then he just joins her adventure because bros’ def tryna bag her number. Then we’re introduced to the hippie dentist who’s like so my vibe, Trapper is his name, and then her daughter who speaks through sign language, Jia, who you will remember tamed Kong in the previous movie. Then Dr. Andrews rolls out one big map across a table, up-beat jazz music starts, and she says aloud “all right gang, let’s roll!” From there they all go on a big adventure down into the center on the universe. Here they eventually uncover Jia’s original tribe, and learn that they are in danger and are calling for her help to open up the wormhole for a big moth god to come through and help defeat the incoming danger of The Skar King. What was this, the ultra beast wormholes from Pokémon Sun and Moon? (Sorry that won’t be the last Pokémon reference I make today I’m rlly into Pokémon rn.)
The Skar King becomes bitter opps with Kong when Kong is on a mission through most of the movie to find species like him, which he does half-successfully at first, befriending a small money named Suko (blud looks like Diddy Kong), where he later meets a bigger tribe of monkeys enslaved underground in a lava-like palace reminding me of Bowser’s castle or something. They fight 1 on 1 like me and bro in fortnite creative, but then I learned that bro was using a mythic weapon the whole time because Skar Face summons a frozen-lizard looking Pokémon from behind a wall of lava, where he uses his power and nearly freezes Kong to an ice-cube. Can’t remember if ice types are effective against Fighting types. Editors note: Nope ice is weak to fighting types. Guess the lizard must’ve been a dragon type too or something cause if Kong is a fighting type he shoulda been able to wipe the floor against an ice type SMH. But then again it was like a 2-on-1 and that Scar King was slithering around like a zesty man so egh, not completely Kong’s fault.
Question break: Actually, what Pokémon types would Kong and Godzilla be? Kong has a loving heart so he might be a Fairy type. I don’t wanna say normal type, so I’m saying Fighting type. Fighting and Fairy seems awesome for Kong actually. Godzilla is definitely a Dragon type. Not a fairy though, he has no heart. Honestly because of that he’s a dark type? Or electric maybe because of his atomic breath. Maybe even steel because he’s got nerves full of ‘em. Idk I’d say Dragon and Dark that seems pretty legit, but maybe he could just have a lot of electric and steel moves in his arsenal.
ANYWAYS Kong goes back to his friends after getting beat up, he is given a new present like it’s christmas morning by his human friends, he equips a brand new metal glove to his inventory, and readies up in the fortnite lobby as he goes back to earth’s surface. Here he lands in Egypt, where he stumbles upon Godzilla having a battle with another monster if I remember correctly. Or maybe Godzilla just popped in and was like “hey bro wanna run it back?” I can’t remember. Anyways they battle it out, completely destroy the pyramids which kinda sucks, guess Kong went from the 8th wonder of the world down to the 7th, but anyways Godzilla’s like “aye bro did you forget what I did to you butt in the last movie” and Kong’s like “nah fam I came back lock and loaded” and he starts whacking the spaghetti outta Godzilla with his new punching glove, to the point he genuinely goes unconscious for a second and Kong starts carrying his body off. Like BRO genuinely held him down for the count for a bit like GEEZ. Anyways Godzilla locks in now that he’s all pink and everything, because now he’s Super Saiyan Rosé or something, and he gets back up like the GOAT he is, they brawl some more, have a little girl slap fight, but eventually they get to the hollow earth and find The Scar King and his little ice Pokémon. They face off, say some cheap Hollywood dialogue like “So, you finally showed up.” “I’m gonna make you pay!” “You better duck when I shoot my laser breath!” “I’m not a duck, I’m an ice pokemon!” ‘It’s kongin’ time” and stuff like that.
They brawl it out, things get serious, Godzilla suggests, “let’s settle this battle where the most casualty deaths will occur” and everybody’s like “betttt” so they go back to earth and they battle it out in the cities of brazil, go for a little swim on the beach, Godzilla throws up pink-plasma everywhere, and then Kong goes GOHAN SUPER SAIYAN when he sees Kang about to hurt his son Diddy Kong, and he just begins beating the FREAKIN’ PULP outta that man, and when Diddy Kong destroys the crystal that was holding the ice type Pokémon hostage, it becomes free and is like “HELLAHHHH NAHHHHHH” and freezes Kang to a popsicle, and then Kong goes for the Dragon Ball DRAMATIC FINISH, Mortal Combat BRUTALITY and throws Kang into the floor where his frozen guts go flying everywhere, and then all the silly titan monsters scream up into the air which probably just translates to “yayyyy we did it!” “not so bad yourself Godzilla” “Oh shut up Kongy” “Hey, we should finish this all off with a dance celebration” and then they proceed to dance to “Can’t Stop The Feeling” as the credits roll.
Jk we get a finishing character scene where Jia decides to stay with her adoptive mom and all the story ends are tied up. And then they dance as the credits roll and Godzilla busts a move.
Overall this movie was just so random, with such insane things occurring and the plot never slowing down, it really was a fast 1-hour 50 mins. Like at the end of the day, we got to see Kong and Godzilla team up and take down a monkey baddie, and we were introduced to Diddy Kong whos definitley gonna be sold as a plushie. I may be a big story nerd who views storytelling as art, but this was just awesome to turn my brain off too and just indulge in. The big monkey and lizard beat down a bad guy and they did it with cool weapons, such as the axe and new metal glove, and the fact Godzilla went super saiyan rosé and was extremely powerful was so dopamine thrilling.
Like how can I complain about this movie? It’s a monster movie? I knew it was gonna be shallow and just action-y the entire time, so I was never looking out for some insane plot. It’s like what the FNAF movie should have been. I watched it for horror jumpscares and possibly a deep lore attached, but all I got was a child trauma story with that one girl and the animatronics not even being scary and some boring springlock scene at the end. This movie delivered exactly what we wanted, MONSTER FIGHTING FUN!!
My only complaint is like Godzilla wasn’t in the movie AS much as I expected, and even then Godzilla and Kong only teamed like at the VERY end, which is weird considering that was like the whole selling point, but whatever, my boy was busy having a nice slumber in the colosseum you know what I mean.
Anyways this was a monster movie, and although I would have liked to see more Kong and Godzilla action together, especially since they went at each other like 3 rounds back in the previous movie, this movie just kinda had less monster-to-monster fighting, and the hype of Godzilla and Kong going at each other in the previous movie was so hype, so honestly I think I enjoyed the previous movie more. On the most casual ranking ever, I rank this movie like a 3.5 out of 5. Like dude I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t anything mind blowing, just something really fun and action-packed to watch alongside friends, therefore I had a great time! If your friends wanna grab a good laugh and chill together watching the beeg monkey and silly lizard blow things up and save the day as thousands of humans innocently die, this is gonna be a W time for your group.
Now, time for the awaited piece of Godzilla artwork…
GRAHHH HE’S SO CUTE!! IT’S GODZILLA’IN TIME RAHHH!!!
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-Caleb Gunn, Writer, Actor, Artist, and ‘Self-Proclaimed’ Celebrity
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